St. Peter's United Church of Christ
1475 Orchard Park Rd., West Seneca, NY 14224 (716) 674-1233
(Corner of Reserve Rd., near Berg Rd.) 10:00 am Worship
stpetersws@verizon.net (Also join us on Facebook!)
Established 1852 - Celebrating 160 Years of Christian Fellowship!
St. Peter's United Church of Christ - Holy Humor
"HOLY HUMOR" CONTEST WINNERS:
A Cartoon of Two Elderly Ladies: Two elderly ladies are sitting in rocking chairs on a porch, fanning themselvs on a hot evening, when one says to the other: "I'm getting so old that all my friends in heaven will think I didn't make it!" - submitted by Cheryl Winkelman
No Parking: Pastor Hope lived in such a small town that the "No Parking Between Signs" signs were back-to-back! - submitted by Earle Heusinger
The Lottery: A man down on his luck went to church one day, got on his knees and prayed to God: "Dear Lord, I am down to my last few dollars and I am becoming desperate. Please. Let me win the lottery."
The man goes home and nothing happens. So the next day, the man returns to church, gets down on his knees and prays to God: "Dear Lord, Please! I am begging you! I have no more money and I need help. Please! Let me win the lottery!"
The man goes home and again, nothing happens. So the next day, the man goes back to church, gets on his knees and prays to God: "Dear Lord, If you don't answer my prayers soon, I am going to lose everything. Please! Please! Let me win the lottery!"
Suddenly a big, booming voice from above answers, "Meet me half way! Buy a ticket!"
- submitted by Marina Heppner
! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
The Sermon: To give a good sermon, you need a good beginning, a good end, and put them as close together as possible! - submitted by Gerard Kawczynski
Something Differnt: Try singing the Doxology to the tune of "Hernando's Hideaway"
Praise God from whom all blessings flow,
Praise God all creatures here below,
Praise God above ye heavenly hosts,
Creator, Christ and Holy Ghost! Amen!
BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU PRAY FOR! It was a blistering hot day, the house was full of guests, and things weren't going too well. Finally, the hostess got everyone seated for dinner and asked her seven-year-old daughter to say grace. "But mother, said the little girl, "I don't know what to say." "Yes you do," said her mother, "just like the last prayer you heard me use." Obediently, the child bowed her head and recited hesitantly, "Oh, Lord, why did I invite these people on such a hot day?"
HARDING'S HAPPY HOMILY: It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything!
LYNDON'S OBSERVATION: If the first person who answers the phone cannot answer your question, it's a bureaucracy.
TURNAUCKAS' OBSERVATION: To err is human, but to really foul up requires a computer.
PAPA RICH'S CONCLUSION: Whatever a parent does is wrong.
UTZ'S LAWS OF COMPUTER PROGRAMMING: If a progam is useful, it will have to be changed.
MURPHY'S FOURTH LAW: If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.
MURPHY'S FIFTH LAW: If anything just cannot go wrong, it will anyway.
MURPHY'S SIXTH LAW: If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which a procedure can go wrong and circumvent these, then a fifth, unprepared for, will promptly develop.
MURPHY'S SEVENTH LAW: Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
ALLEN'S CONCLUSION: Betty Crocker uses a mix.
RALPH'S OBSERVATION: It is a mistake to allow any mechanical object to realize you are in a hurry.
MANLY'S MAXIM: Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.
THE OBSERVATION OF ARCHIMEDES G. BELL: When a body is immersed in water - the telephone rings.
If You Can: - submitted for fun by Pastor Hope
If you can start your day without caffeine,
If you can be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,
If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,
If you can understand when loved ones are too busy to give you time,
If you can overlook it when people take things out on you, when,
through no fault of yours, something goes wrong.
If you can face the world without lies and deceit,
If you can eat the same food, day after day, and be grateful for it,
If you can conquer tension without medical help,
If you can relax without alcohol,
If you can sleep without the aid of drugs...
If you can do all these things, then you are probably the family dog!
A Cartoon of Two Elderly Ladies: Two elderly ladies are sitting in rocking chairs on a porch, fanning themselvs on a hot evening, when one says to the other: "I'm getting so old that all my friends in heaven will think I didn't make it!" - submitted by Cheryl Winkelman
No Parking: Pastor Hope lived in such a small town that the "No Parking Between Signs" signs were back-to-back! - submitted by Earle Heusinger
The Lottery: A man down on his luck went to church one day, got on his knees and prayed to God: "Dear Lord, I am down to my last few dollars and I am becoming desperate. Please. Let me win the lottery."
The man goes home and nothing happens. So the next day, the man returns to church, gets down on his knees and prays to God: "Dear Lord, Please! I am begging you! I have no more money and I need help. Please! Let me win the lottery!"
The man goes home and again, nothing happens. So the next day, the man goes back to church, gets on his knees and prays to God: "Dear Lord, If you don't answer my prayers soon, I am going to lose everything. Please! Please! Let me win the lottery!"
Suddenly a big, booming voice from above answers, "Meet me half way! Buy a ticket!"
- submitted by Marina Heppner
! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
The Sermon: To give a good sermon, you need a good beginning, a good end, and put them as close together as possible! - submitted by Gerard Kawczynski
Something Differnt: Try singing the Doxology to the tune of "Hernando's Hideaway"
Praise God from whom all blessings flow,
Praise God all creatures here below,
Praise God above ye heavenly hosts,
Creator, Christ and Holy Ghost! Amen!
BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU PRAY FOR! It was a blistering hot day, the house was full of guests, and things weren't going too well. Finally, the hostess got everyone seated for dinner and asked her seven-year-old daughter to say grace. "But mother, said the little girl, "I don't know what to say." "Yes you do," said her mother, "just like the last prayer you heard me use." Obediently, the child bowed her head and recited hesitantly, "Oh, Lord, why did I invite these people on such a hot day?"
HARDING'S HAPPY HOMILY: It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything!
LYNDON'S OBSERVATION: If the first person who answers the phone cannot answer your question, it's a bureaucracy.
TURNAUCKAS' OBSERVATION: To err is human, but to really foul up requires a computer.
PAPA RICH'S CONCLUSION: Whatever a parent does is wrong.
UTZ'S LAWS OF COMPUTER PROGRAMMING: If a progam is useful, it will have to be changed.
MURPHY'S FOURTH LAW: If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.
MURPHY'S FIFTH LAW: If anything just cannot go wrong, it will anyway.
MURPHY'S SIXTH LAW: If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which a procedure can go wrong and circumvent these, then a fifth, unprepared for, will promptly develop.
MURPHY'S SEVENTH LAW: Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
ALLEN'S CONCLUSION: Betty Crocker uses a mix.
RALPH'S OBSERVATION: It is a mistake to allow any mechanical object to realize you are in a hurry.
MANLY'S MAXIM: Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.
THE OBSERVATION OF ARCHIMEDES G. BELL: When a body is immersed in water - the telephone rings.
If You Can: - submitted for fun by Pastor Hope
If you can start your day without caffeine,
If you can be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,
If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,
If you can understand when loved ones are too busy to give you time,
If you can overlook it when people take things out on you, when,
through no fault of yours, something goes wrong.
If you can face the world without lies and deceit,
If you can eat the same food, day after day, and be grateful for it,
If you can conquer tension without medical help,
If you can relax without alcohol,
If you can sleep without the aid of drugs...
If you can do all these things, then you are probably the family dog!
Copyright . St. Peter's United Church of Christ. All rights reserved.
ST-PETERSUCC.ORG is your #1 place to find fellow Christians, Jesus, Bible, Bible verses, Sunday School, Jesus Christ, and church in the West Seneca, Buffalo, Western New York area.
